I have friends who are going to read that title and say; Good luck with that sh*t. For those of you who are not those friends, what I’m trying to do here is lay a foundation for the next few posts. Cancer sucks, that we know for sure. What cancer will do to a person is pretty dramatic, very visible, it’s hard to hide cancer after a while. I want to express my thoughts on the invisible side of fighting cancer. What goes on in my mind cancer wise, my thoughts on this thing in mah belly.
Following this blog you all know I have pancreatic cancer. I think I’ve tried, but feel I’ve been unsuccessful in attempting to convey my own understanding of my future. Don’t know when, but I do believe I understand what lies in front of me and no, I don’t like it. Pushing back as much as I can, that is all I can do.
I’m about to start cycle nine of a chemotherapy/immunotherapy program and I feel good for the most part, just very, very tired. The program seems to be working, so I’ll take what it offers.
We are all different. I can only write about my experiences, I hope you relate to some.
Recently I went to a friend’s funeral and on or near that day some of my facebook friends posted links to legacy pages/blog entries from people dying from cancer. My friend wrote of his life and of many accomplishments he’d made over the years. The legacy posts seemed to be packed with sound and sage advice on how to live a full, happy life. No regrets, if you have a chance, take it!
After all this I thought to myself; what do I have to say? What list of accomplishments could I write of? What sound advice do I have to offer? It is more difficult than it first looks to do this while being honest. Being honest about “this” is very important to me and why this is so long winded. I would like to write something inspiring too!
On and off I’ve spent several days thinking about this post and what to write, how to start. I had thought about going on about me being an introvert, an INFP for those who’d taken the Meyers/Briggs personality tests and know what that is. It’s part of, but not all of it, it’s not where I want to go, or come from. For those who are not introverts it just wouldn’t make sense for me to relive a lifetime of flaws. But introverts are very good at remembering mistakes made decades ago you see and this will come up.
Contrary to that line of thinking I do have a list of accomplishments that I am proud of, many unique and can’t be replicated. For a start, I learned to fly in a WWII attack aircraft converted to a water bomber. My problem is how do I transform that experience into something tangible to someone who doesn’t have the keys to a WWII bomber handy? I want to pass on something achievable and something that makes sense. A goal, an achievable goal.
Not all of course, but some of the legacy posts focused primarily on being different, avoid the mundane, break the mold and just going for whatever dreams you may have. Sounds wonderful but that was not my experience. Mine was kind of opposite to that and I’m going to just leave that alone for this post.
Anyways
To where the next few posts are going; I’m one who feels the mundane and boring days they say to avoid are important as they make the times when you can break away even more exhilarating. All those bad days, they make the good days even better.
Feeling good and looking forward to some good days
My EI & I 