This is a hard post for me to write and I’ve tried many times with many hours of thought. I would like to talk about mental health and dealing with debilitating illnesses such as MCS then moving on in my case to cancer. In my mind every thought or action I take to live with, explanation or whatever I have re: this cancer thing is based on my years of living with MCS and these other environmental illnesses and then dealing with people who just don’t get it.
This is why I feel as though I need to lay a foundation for some of the personal explanations and statements I plan on getting into in future posts. But man, there is so much detail; so much to talk about and my big concern is missing something. I created a category called MCS Thoughts when I started this blog to talk about how I got MCS and the garbage my coworkers and I have gone through over the years. But I haven’t even started there yet. Yes it is work related.
We were exposed to toxic chemicals while at work in a federally regulated company in Canada. A large number of us became too ill to work or even function some days. The bottom line is that instead of reaping the benefits of all these wonderful workplace protections and assistance we’ve all heard about, we were kicked to the curb. We learned the hard way it’s all bullshit.
I got to see and experience the dark side of Worksafe BC, scumbag insurance companies and scumbag insurance company doctors, company safety coordinators in the tank and the management that kept them there, inept and unqualified Human Resources and Development Canada, Federal Labour Program personnel and quote; medical professionals, un-quote who couldn’t care less if you lived or died. More I’m sure, but this is what comes to me tonight.
So bad that we even made it on to the CBC News Go Public program but it didn’t help much.
Oh ya, then the politicians and the many letters/emails and phone calls. So many in fact it got to the point where I was able to have point of order questions raised in the House of Commons in Ottawa. Nothing came of that either. It’s all on paper and we can’t even get legal assistance Canada as it’s too big of a case and we don’t have 150 grand to give to a lawyer to start something. Like I said, it’s all documented, all on paper. Just all these people are too important to read any of it.
From dealing head-on with this for years I have no faith in my government. It doesn’t matter what flavor you vote in it’s been my experience they will disappoint. My experiences with medical people haven’t been much different. Honestly I believe I’ve developed PTSD from trying to get to the help and assistance these people say they provide. It makes me physically ill to look at this paperwork.
The present;
My Dr retired several years ago and it became almost impossible to find a family doctor in the rural area I reside in, so I basically stopped trying. I mean why bother, saying that as a statement rather than question. Then I do get sick then I find myself in the local ER as I had no place to go, what a nightmare. I felt it was beginning all over again.
I went to the ER with a lot of pain in the left side of my abdomen and generally feeling terrible. After several hours they tell me I’m diabetic and later that I have a bladder infection. It didn’t make any sense to me, but it was an answer which was a vast improvement on my past experiences.
I take the pills for the infection and diabetes but it doesn’t help with the pain. So a few weeks later it’s back to the ER I go. This time I get a great nurse and intern. Very thorough examination, the works and I’m feeling confident I’m going to get some answers. Then the doctor comes in and tells me I’m not a real emergency and shouldn’t be there, blaa, blaa, blaa. After a few minutes I just wanted to punch him in the throat. Apparently during this time he must have told me he had an ultrasound scheduled for me, because I have no idea when else he would have said that. I just wanted to leave and not look back.
The ultrasound tech spent a half hour on the area where my pancreas is, I googled where the pain was coming from by then, so I had a bit of an idea. After all this time she then asks me how long I’d been diabetic and how long I’d been in pain. In my mind I uttered the f-word. As a year or so prior to this I lost a cousin to pancreatic cancer, I was slowly beginning to get the idea of what was going on.
I saw the; I’m not a real emergency Dr as he did get me in for the ultrasound. Now remember I live in an area where Dr’s are scarce so having one tell you they are willing to take you on as patent is a very good thing. Anyways, he tells me he’ll help me with the growth on my pancreas and the first Dr, well she’ll help me with the diabetes problem, right.
Thankfully the first Dr I saw in the ER told me she would take me on as a patent when I got to see her and we’d deal with this together. We’re in the examination room and she’s going over what is about to happen and explains this and that are all going to take place very quickly etc. I sat there dumbfounded thinking; My God, you believe me when I say I’m sick! Where were you fifteen years ago when I got MCS?
Good news ending, like I said she’s taken me on as a patent and has turned out to be the best family Dr I’ve ever had. Life is good.