Faith

This was actually a facebook post from last night. I read it again this morning and decided to copy it here unedited because it felt better just the way it is.

I want to write, but everything I come up with is so long winded, frusterpating.

I did quite a bit of writing; slash posting (slash like this “/” Mark and Jon) yesterday in one of the facebook MCS groups, more than I have in a while. This got me all inspired to say and post more so I went and made myself a cuppa instant coffee after supper, something I never do. Then being all wired for speed I started writing and writing and writing without posting anything. Which as strange as it sounds was the subject of the thread I was writing about.

Yeah, welcome to my world.

My poor brain was just full and I was trying hard to get stuff down and typed out. We were talking about some difficult personal subjects and in the back of my mind the thought or subject of faith came up. I’ve been pondering mental health and dealing with MCS or cancer for weeks. Dealing with all of this and staying sane. It’s something I really would like to write about, faith is a big part of that.

So much to sift through so this is going to be a several part post I think. The rest of what I have here is going to be disjointed and abbreviated I think.

Not long ago I had some quiet time to speak with a very good friend about losing a child. Sadly it’s something we both have in common and impossible to explain as there just are no words. Thinking of Miriam last night was why I reposted that picture of her. Like I said there is not a day that goes by where I don’t think of my kids.

My friend is a devout Christian and she took the time to share with me…. The thought, the belief both sound institutional but those are the words that come to me. I’m tired and proper words escape me for this, the most important part of this sentence.

She shared with me the belief that her children who had passed away, have gone ahead to prepare a place in heaven for my friend and her loved ones. Miriam was also very strong in her faith as a Christian and it’s something I have rested in for a long time. That she is in a much better place than here.

It’s strange how I’ve found so many different subjects interrelating with each other as I try to understand what I’m going through. Yesterday it was writing and not posting on fb because you felt silly being angry or upset and it went to faith. Today I was revisiting the idea that I actually have an idea of what my short future on this earth looks like. To coming across a cancer site called Dying Well and a few other links about regrets. My plan is to cherry pick those pages.

Sorry for being so scattered and I would like to write more but I think it will be for the blog.